You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
