i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
