Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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