Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
