guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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