I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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