barbara walters just said penis...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
