dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
