no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
