just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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