Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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