I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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