My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
