The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
