well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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