drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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