In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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