It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
