I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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