my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
