Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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