I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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