Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
