i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
