two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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