I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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