I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
