How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
