my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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