ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
