I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
