Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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