It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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