i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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