In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
