ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
