i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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