bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
