I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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