All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
