I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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