the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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