I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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