If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
