Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
