She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
