Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
