it was like his penis was on wheels.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
