So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
