I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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