I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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