What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
