I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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