Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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